I’ve been in bed on total bed rest for the past six weeks. The first few days it was sort of exciting. I could lay in bed and have everyone bring me anything I wanted. After about three days, it got REALLY old. I can feel my brain shrinking every day. I lay in bed and day time television is terrible! I will admit to watching reality TV because I don’t need to think. It’s just so unbelievably stupid that I’m able to stop thinking for a while and I don’t obsess over the minutes, hours, days and weeks that I’ve been laying in bed.
My hips are getting progressively worse as the days go on. I’ve nearly eliminated all additional movements in hopes that it will extend the time I have left with these hips. I’ve been noticing when I shift in bed lately that I can feel popping and additional pain in areas that I wasn’t feeling the pain before. I’ve started to wonder if the popping is my hips adjusting or if it is from additional breaks. Ten days from today, I will be scheduled to deliver and right after delivery there will be additional X-Rays to see how much damage has been done from the MRI a few weeks ago.
I’ve been waiting to begin the count down to delivery and the doctor scheduled me at 37 weeks for a c-section as well as natural birth. Since we don’t know what will happen in the next ten days, we can’t determine whether I will have a c-section or we will try for natural delivery. We do know one thing for sure though, the instant I’m admitted I will have the epidural. Not necessarily for labor pains but so that I have reduced pain (or hopefully no pain) in my hips. It will help to make the time spent in bed a little more comfortable.
We keep going back and forth on what is the best option for how this little guy should be born. Initially the guys wanted me to have a c-section because they were so worried about additional damage to my hips. I was hoping for a c-section just because I’m not able to move my legs without having someone else move them for me so I didn’t think I would ever be able to move to a position where I could deliver naturally. After much discussion with my doctor, she had me leaning towards natural delivery. She reminded me that she would need to cut through my abdomen muscles completely and since the only way I can get in and out of bed is by using my abdomen muscles, it would prolong the time between delivery and my first hip surgery.
Right now, if I have a natural delivery, the first hip surgery will be 2-4 weeks after March 5 (D Day) with the second hip surgery two weeks after full recovery. It’s hard for me not having a definite date for either surgery. I asked the surgeon about a time frame for what their definition of full recovery was. I was told that some people can have a full recovery a few weeks after surgery and others take months to fully heal. I just want everything to be done so that I can have my “normal” back. It’s hard to think about how much longer I could be immobile or even partially mobile. The pain is unimaginable at times but that’s not what bothers me the most. It’s the inability to do everything on my own. I don’t want to continue depending on everyone to do every little thing for me.
Ronen and Gadi will be here in six short days. I’m overly excited to be in the same room as them again. I’ve not seen them since the first week of November and it’s honestly seemed like years rather than just a few short months. Fargo will be dull and boring for them for the first few days but after Wednesday, March 5, their lives will forever be changed. I am so honored that I get to be part of this process with them. Their decision to use me as their surrogate and my decision to go through this really lengthy process with them has changed my life forever. They have helped to make me into a better person and to complete something I have wanted to do for so long.
Had I known it was going to take seven years to give a baby to someone else would have made me look at the entire process differently. I always thought I would be able to do this more than once, that I could make multiple intended parents dreams come true. I’ve come to accept the fact that this is the only child I will have for someone else. I know that based on the issues I’ve had with this pregnancy that I cannot go through this process again. It’s hard for me because I always thought I would be able to do this multiple times but I also know my health is very important and I need to protect myself for Jayde’s sake.