I get asked why I want to be a surrogate from time to time or what made me decide to even consider this option. I didn’t have the options I “wanted” when Jayde was born and at times things were difficult. I worked two jobs for a while just to ensure that she had everything others her age did. I’ve always told her that she should not need to go without just because her father doesn’t want to contribute to her upbringing. I knew when Jayde was younger that I would never bring another child into the same situation, partially because it wouldn’t be fair to that child and partially because it wouldn’t be fair to Jayde because my situation now would allow for more time to be spent with a child. Even knowing I didn’t think it would be right for me to have children of my own, I knew it was something easy for me to do and it was something I could do for others…..
Anyway, when Jayde and I were on the beach one day in the summer of 2001 I began making a list of 100 things I needed to accomplish throughout my life. Some were silly and some were very well thought. I’ve got items listed such as getting a stamp in my passport book (done) to doing something completely selfless (being a surrogate, in progress) to stomping in puddles with Jayde during a rain storm (done many times). I’ve done almost every item on my list and I am happy with my progress. In ten years I was able to complete nearly everything I had set out for myself.
I started researching egg donation in 2001 with RMA NJ and things just never fell into place. The day I was to go to have my final screening Jayde got sick with pneumonia and I wasn’t able to make the appointment. I was a bit disappointed, but I believe that everything happens for a reason so I didn’t let it get to me too much. Things just never really fell back into place until I had moved back to North Dakota after that missed appointment. I had followed up with RMA NJ after moving back to North Dakota and they were unable to work with me because I had lived 1500 miles away from their office. I started to research the process again in 2006 and came across IARC. After discussing my options with IARC, I knew that surrogacy was a better option for me than egg donation.
I believe that this world we live in is such a small world. I have Jayde to consider and although she is almost 13, I need to worry about the chances of me donating eggs and by some small chance Jayde coming in contact with someone genetically tied to her without her knowing about. Egg donation is completely anonymous so there would be no way of me knowing if there were a child genetically tied to me that Jayde could potentially date. So, my dream of giving the perfection that I had in Jayde to others had now become the option of being a surrogate.
I spoke with IARC and surrogacy allows as much or as little contact after the child is born as the Intended Parents and the Gestational Carrier would like to have. I am the person that likes to stay in contact with people as much as possible, so this was turning out to be a much better option for me. I made the decision at the beginning of 2008 to work with Zohra and Khelifa. Their profile was the first profile I had read and after speaking with them on the telephone, I just knew that I was meant to work with them. They have been trying for almost 20 years to have a child on their own and this is something I can do for them quite easily. Sure it is uncomfortable to give myself Lupron Injections and take other fertility medications, but the happiness I will bring to them in the end will outweigh the uncomfortable feeling I will have for a brief moment in time.
I’ve thought about how uncomfortable it is going to be to give birth yet again. I had Jayde with no drugs and was able to deal with that just fine. I have prepared myself for years now that I will not be able to bring home a child (thank God!). I love children, really I do, most often times….I just love other people’s children. I have no patience for children. Jayde is an anomaly, she does not now nor has ever resembled the “normal” child. When I am having a bad day, she plays off my crabbiness like she is on Who’s Line Is It Anyway and I laugh until I can hardly stand up. Don’t get me wrong, we have our moments, but all in all, she isn’t the “normal child” and I wouldn’t trade what we have for anything.
It may be uncomfortable to hand over a child after giving birth; however, the joy it will bring will bring MUCH MORE comfort to me than any amount of drugs a Dr. could provide. If I had the option to have a child for every person that was unable to do so on their own, I would. I just don’t think one person is capable of having that many children.
In addition to the things I want in life, my dad taught me it is always best to give….that I should just do the right thing in life and all things will work out in the end.